Helena's Dad and FOB not sucking (for once)

- Wade Phillips is the new coach of the Dallas Cowboys! Pop the cork on the mutha fuckin' Cristal (you can drink Dom, Jigga) and strike up the band. For those of you who sit around all day cutting yourselves and not watching sports, dude's daugther is none other than your favorite dead, dancing bride from the Helena video. It's really not important, it's just a cool fact. And it gives me a reason to post a picture of her. She's hot, even the Bloc Party dude would agree with me on that one.



- FOB played Kimmel last night and believe it or not, they sounded like shit. The good news is that I've figured out why they always sounds like shit, but we'll get to that in a second.

Check out the video below and make sure you watch for Pete shredding on the bass about 20 seconds in. It'd be great if one of these times he could make it look like it's not the first time he's picking up a bass. I swear, he and Mikey Way should form a super-group.



The second bit of news is that I heard FOB (actually just Patrick) on KROQ this morning on my way into work. (Yes, I have a job and yes it involves taking pictures of girls while they take their clothes off.) Anyway, Patrick played 'Arms Race' acoustic without Petey Paul Jones on bass and that other Canadian-looking douche on guitar and it sounded AWESOME. Apparently the shit-storm that is FOB live can be attributed to everyone else besides the singer. Obvi, but still worth stating. I'd love to play you a clip of the performance but I don't have one....I WAS IN MY CAR ASSHOLE! Just take my word for it.

- Black -

anna/eva/jada/nodoubta

hi kids -

anna nicole smith died. bummer. no real connection to music here except that she used to be a stripper. rad. i love strippers. here is one of my favorites:



that's eva angelina. the last thing you need is another pic of anna nicole. plus, eva bones on video. you know what's wrong with that? not a damn thing.

go get the new bloc party record. it really is awesome. the other douchebag i write this blog with will hate it because, well, the record is written by a dude that is black, english AND gay. there is nothing blackie hates more than gay, english black dudes. ironic, given his name and all.

my boy jadakiss was indicted on a gun charge in NY this week. this is the same dude that had a song with the lyric "why did bush knock down the towers?" coincidence? doubts bitch. he was sitting in a car at 4am with weed and a gun in the console and he is pleading not guilty. good for you jada. stand up against those crackers. btw - he totally doesnt look like a dude that would carry a gun.



no doubt is getting back together. i bet the conversation went something like this:

gwen: hi, tony. what's up?
tony: holy shit! your record is the worst fucking thing i have ever heard.
gwen: yeah, sorry bout that. let's write more songs about when we used to date 15 years ago.
tony: k. get some diapers for adrian. he is wacky!

it's slow right now, but i just really wanted to post a pic of eva. i swear to god i just friend requested her on myspace. i mean....er......she friend requested me! oh yeah, that's it!

-chainsaw

Studies show that 'hardcore dancing' equates to a low IQ

I just saw the new video from A Day To Remember (because I LOVE every band on Victory) and it reminded me how much I hate hardcore dancing. I. Really. Don't. Get it. Maybe I'm too old to understand and it has something to do with teen angst or maybe it's just that IT'S FUCKING STUPID and in actuality I totally understand. I'm convinced that the dumbass kids doing this at shows don't realize how ridiculous they look. They just need to see themselves on video and they'd stop cold turkey. Venues should start taking video clips of every kid doing this at a show and then play them on a screen as everyone is leaving. You think kids would keep doing it after they saw themselves on video? Creo que no! If you ask me, which you are, I'm for putting a bunch of them in a cage at the zoo and pumping shitty hardcore (Brummel, you can brand this with Victory. It'll make you money so I'm sure you're down) into their enclosure at all times. You know people would stop and watch this for HOURS. They'd be right up there with the monkey who throws his own shit and plays with himself. And that guy's a star!

Here's the new A Day To Remember video featuring Ron Jeremy:



This one's an oldie, but it's classic and it gets a laugh out of me every time. I feel obligated to share that experience with you.



- Black -

It's been over a month.....kiss my ass. (and FOB blows)

We'll there's nothing that can bring me out of hibernation like a new Fall Out Boy record. To be perfectly honest, I could probably write 842 paragraphs about this band and every single one of them would be hilariously funny and interesting to read. However, I'm not here to entertain you, I'm here to be an asshole and look good doing it, so I'm just going to complain about them and move on.

This band is absolutely, without doubt, the WORST LIVE BAND IN THE ENTIRE MUSIC INDUSTRY. (For the record, I'm going to go ahead and include every failed American Idol contestant as part of the music industry. They're not that much worse sounding than FOB and they're not getting paid ridiculous sums of money.)

NOTE: All of the videos below are before the singer got fat (although the fatness isn't why he can't pronounce words, he's always had that problem), but Pete still doesn't know how to play bass so all is good in the world.

Here's an example:


And another....


And if you truly hate your eardrums, here's a third:


I'd love to include video of them from SNL last year but when I searched YouTube it said, 'This performance was so shitty that our quality control team has blocked it from being uploaded to our site.' I didn't know they could do that, wow.

Here's the part where I say that I've listened to their new record and it's not that bad. Not that it should be with all the money and production that went into that shit. It's funny because I can't think of another band on the planet that has more than 3 songs I like but who I would never go see live. Not even for free.

- Dustin Kensrue (singer of Thrice) just released his solo album this week. It's some pretty damn good folk, acoustic rock music. He was on Letterman last Friday night and sounded really good. Even Chainsaw stumbled across it while Family Guy was on a commercial and liked it.

- Macbeth Shoes is going to be releasing 3 new musician-designed shoes in March. The 3 chosen-ones are Hunter Burgan from AFI, Fred Mascherino from TBS and, of course, Tom himself. (Raab's brother)
For pictures and a little more information about each shoe, hit up thesportofdeath.

That's it for now. Chainsaw and I apologize for the facts that we have real jobs that keep us busy and don't post very often. I guess that's what differentiates us from the daily bloggers. That and our boyish good looks.

Out.

- Black -