Apparently everything except The Used sucks...

- In the new Bad Religion single 'Honest Goodbye', Professor Graffin uses the word 'transubstantiation'. Even better he uses it in same line as 'supplicate'. I fully understand that this is his thing and that he's been writing songs this way since The Great Depression, but that still doesn't make it ok. Here's some big words for you. Your band is 'old' and your songs are 'boring'. Here's their single. Zzzzzz, just another BR song.

- The Used's new record comes out on Tuesday. I can't remember if I mentioned it yet, but it rules. Wait, I definitely didn't mention it because we suck and don't post anymore. Anyway, you can go listen to the whole thing on their MySpace page. If you don't like it, you have bad taste in music.
Also, dudes were on Kimmel last night. Check that out here: (sorry the quality sucks, but it was only on last night so quit your bitching and be thankful that it's even on youtube at all)



- BLIND ITEM: Following a complete tanking of their first release, what numerically named band has decided to bite the bullet and plays songs from their previous incarnation?
Fuck it. It's +44. Mark decided that since all of his new songs suck, he should go back to playing the good songs from blink. You can't blame him, +44 didn't exactly blow up now did they. Hey Mark, you're opening for Fall Out Boy. You must be very proud of yourself.
I would think Mark's 'punk rock' guitarists wouldn't be down with this. I guess they're down with the paycheck so who cares, right?



- Speaking of being punk rock. Maybe those guys (and you too, poser) should brush up on what it takes to be a punk. Complete 'how-to' here. (http://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Punk) So you know, I'm WAY more punk than you'll ever be because I don't care about being punk. So by not caring about being punk rock, I end up being way more punk rock than you. But saying I'm punk rock isn't very punk rock. So what is punk rock? Let me save you some time. The video below has both ends of the spectrum. DJ Rossstar is a fucking tool and is NOT punk rock. However, Jeffree Star is definitely punk rock.



- Tim Armstrong is releasing a solo album and if smoke weed and listen to Eek-A-Mouse you're gonna love it!!! Pretty much every song sounds the same and on top of that he's releasing shitty saturated black and white videos as well. I think I also heard it's all mono, so that's craptacular as well. I'm sure Chainsaw will love it, but dude loves anything put out by Epitaph so no surprise there. The only good thing about it? Skye Sweetnam on 'Into Action', but she's 19 so we'll leave it at that.

- I've been rocking Muse while I wrote this and "Butterflies & Hurricanes" just came on. This band kills and you need to listen to them now. Plus the video for that song is badass. Here it is:



All for now.

Out.

- Black -

Hey crackers!!!!

Hi everyone. No apologies from us anymore, we've done it before and you don't care. We'll just post whenever we have time and you'll be excited. If someone wants to fork out $500/day (about what we each make at our day jobs) we'll be happy to do this full time. Then we can put CEO next to our names like Jason Taint.

- I finally heard the new Linkin Park record and I've got nothing but good things to say about it. However, those of you who are ok with bands moving in a different direction will be way more into it than the ones looking for 12 remixes of 'Crawling'. For those of you who have already given up on it based on 'What I've Done', don't judge it based on the single. I hated that shit until I heard the complete record but as a part of the whole, it makes sense. I don't know if THAT makes sense, but fuck it. You can expect a couple of slower jams, as well as a couple of fast, heavy tracks by LP standards. Really all you need to know is that the dudes gave up on the G-rated record thing and dropped the f-bomb at least 3 or 4 times. So you know it's going to kick ass. So pick that shit up, but don't go looking for a bunch of Shinoda's rhymes, there's only 2. Go ahead and doubt me, but I have 2 words that should convince you: Rick Rubin.

- Due to my love of Fall Out Boy, you had to know that I'd comment on their Leno performance last night. What'd I think? It was actually good. I know, I couldn't believe it either. It wasn't the best live performance I've seen by any means, but for Fall Out Boy it was solid. I'm not sure if it was because they had an orchestra helping them out/covering up Pete's shanks, or because Andy has that double-bass he's always needed to pull off those CRAZY fills live. Anyway, as Lavar Burton would say, 'don't take my word for it'.

- There was an awesome segment on 'Hannity & Colmes' on Fox News about Rage Against the Machine and Zach de la Rocha's comments about Bush from Coachella. Here you're gonna get some Ted Nugent and Ann Coulter sightings as well as Coulter thinking that Tom Morello gives a fuck if she's heard of his band. (Source: Punknews.org)

- Funeral For a Friend is another band with a new record coming out on the 15th. You can find a couple of new tracks on their myspace page. This is one of those bands that kids in the states haven't embraced like I would expect (similar to Muse or Lostprophets, huge in the UK, but MAYBE a gold record in the US) but I think everything they've put out to this point is great. Check out the video for 'Into Oblivion (Reunion)' below. Even Chainsaw liked this when I played it for him, and that dick hates everything.



- I leave you today with the best YouTube videos of all time. These are Los Gauchos. Let me answer a few questions you will have after watching these videos:

1) Yes, they're all LITTLE kids. 8? 10, maybe? The oldest might be 14.
2) Yes, they are playing Sabbath, Judas Priest, Slipknot and Cradle of Faith
3) Yes, they are switching off instruments
4) Yes, I am flying them out to live with me and be my backing band.
5) Yes, there is no doubt in my mind that these kids were locked in their rooms with these records until they could play them front to back. Then they'd get food and water.

Here we go, starting off strong with some Sabbath.

Breaking the law!!



Slipknot 'Sic' - I love that the singer is wearing a Garfield mask and that he has to pull the mouth down to scream out of it. The funniest thing to me about this particular video was that I have no idea whether they're playing the song right or not, but it sounds exactly like Slipknot to me. I'm not sure if that's a compliment to the kids or a knock on Slipknot. (Seriously though, what do I have to do to get that kid to come play guitar with me. I'll give Angelina a call, maybe she can hook up an adoption for me.)

Finally, the obligatory Cradle of Filth. (Apparently the tubby kid is the screamer of the bunch.)



These put a smile on my face.

Peace.

- Black -

missing bass player!

what bass player was too much of a "DISTRACTION?" i guess he couldnt handle "THE WAR" with the booze. i wonder what his next "ADVENTURE" will be?

you should keep an eye on who the new bass player is. im guessing he will "KILL" it on sunday in boston. after he sees the footage of the show, he might ask "WAS IT ALL A DREAM?" but someone will say, "no buddy, that was the show FROM YESTERDAY."

look out perez....we got blind items too bitch!

chainsaw

I wish the singer of Mest would stab Steven

- Coming to you all live on street date of the new Good Charlotte album!!!! Don't go buy it, it BLOWS. Chainsaw and I have been interested to hear this for a while, simply due to the fact that the single was good. What we forgot about was that they ripped off Alkaline Trio on 'The River', which is the only reason it sounded good. Oops. I listened to the whole album (and by 'whole' I mean 4 songs) this morning and it's terrible. These guys have continued spiraling into a cloudy swamp of shitiness since their first album, which was good. Here's the video for 'The River'.

Don't waste your money and go buy the new Madina Lake record instead. They're on Roadrunner, but don't sound like Slipknot or Nickelback. Obviously a good thing.

- NEWS FLASH: The Used and MCR don't get along and don't talk anymore. You'll even notice that on the new live album from The Used, Bert doesn't sing the words 'chemical romance' and just laughs instead.

- Mastodon has a song on the new Aqua Teen Hunger Force Soundtrack coming out soon. It's called and 'Cut You Up With a Linoleum Knife' and it's pretty much awesome. There's just not enough songs these days with lyrics about sawing testicles and tearing wives in half. If you want to catch Mastodon live, you can find them on the 'Why The Fuck Are The Bands On The Road Together' tour with Against Me! and Cursive with Planes Mistaken For Stars and These Arms Are Snakes splitting dates.

Andrew WK also has a track on this soundtrack. I've been waiting for him to write a song about partying and he's finally pulled it off. This track's also got classic lyrics and I definitely recommend looking them up on Google. Just go type in 'Andrew WK lyrics party'. You should be able to find them with no problem. If you don't like Andrew WK, you must be a straight edge deaf/mute vegan.

- NEWS FLASH: The Used and 30 Seconds to Mars hate each other and are not speaking on Taste of Chaos. I guess Bert didn't like 'Lord of War'. Or maybe Leto is sick of hearing The Used play a brand new song at the end of their encore. Great move guys.

- I'd always hoped for the day I could say, 'did you hear the singer from Mest is in jail for stabbing some guy to death?' Well, that day has come. Except that he was released today and apparently isn't going to be charged with anything. It sounds like they've classified it as self-defense because he was punched in the face first. I wasn't aware that getting punched in the jaw meant you could stab a guy in the chest till he died, but that's good to know. I'm definitely filing that one away.

- NEWS FLASH: EVERYBODY HATES AIDEN AND THAT STEVEN ASSHOLE FROM FUSE. Nobody tries harder than Steve. It's acceptable to be a douche if you embrace your doucheness. However, if you're a douche and try WAY too hard not to be, it only increases your douchosity. Got it? There's no way bands enjoy doing the show with this guy. Although I'm sure that Alexisonfire was thoroughly impressed with the quality of your questions, such as 'where did you guys get your name?' Wow, I'm sure that's a new one for them. Cock goblin.
Not only do I have a video of Aiden on Steve's show, I have an awesome example of Steve being Steve and trying to slip in something to show how 'down' and 'scene' he is. Go ahead and skip forward to 9:10 for a great clip of Steverino getting owned.

You got moted.....dick.

- Black -

Bunch of videos

Just when we were starting to get things rolling again, we completely drop the ball and don't post shit for 2 weeks. So to hold you over until we can actually pull together some real news, I figured I'd give you some YouTube goodness. Feel free to bitch about me mailing it in, you know you'll be sending your friends the link 'this awesome Marky Mark video I found."

Like I said a couple of weeks ago, Patrick from FOB can sing. You don't know how much it hurts me to say good things about this band, but after hearing Patrick live (without the other jackasses banging on their guitars in the background), I'm convinced it's their fault this band sounds like shit as a whole. Anyway, don't take my word for it......



In honor of 'The Departed' winning Best Picture, how about some Mark Wahlberg? 30 seconds into this video we have Marky Mark rapping and a trunk full of blow. What else do you need?



Ah, the good old days when Mark and Tom weren't taking themselves so seriously. I love Tom having Travis count out 4 measures for him and Travis basically saying, 'I thought you were going to have me do something hard.'



Brand New playing 'Jesus Christ' from Letterman a few nights ago. This song is great, but pretty painful to watch live.



The Used have a new album coming out soon. I haven't heard it yet, but word on the street is that it sucks. I hope that's not the case, but they definitely took a step down with their second album. I heard a few on the songs at Taste of Chaos and they're not too bad, but 'Handsome Awkward' or 'Pretty Handsome Awkward' (whatever they decide to call it) sounds pretty damn good. There are a lot of live videos of them playing this song, but they all sound like shit. Here's the promo clip for their CD/DVD, which has a little part of the song. Check it.



Sonny has left From First To Last and is going off on his own to start a 'solo career'. They're going to continue as a 4-piece and have signed to Shuretone (with Angels and Airwaves and New Found Glory). I always thought it was cool that they let that Hobbit sing for them. Hopefully his trip back to The Shire inspires him for his solo work. Here's their video for 'Shame, Shame'. (You gotta love that horrid 2 minute shot of Escape The Fate at the end. Is that a serious picture? Jesus, thanks for that Epitaph.)



Jade from AFI's brother is their Tour Manager. He's also opening for them on their current tour.



Would it make you laugh if I told you there was a video on YouTube of 2 kids smashing stuff in front of their trailer as a way of showing how much they hate Green Day? Would it make you laugh harder to hear Korn in the background while they're doing it? This video rules. Oh, and don't forget to listen to good bands like 'Led Zepplin'. This is the youth of our country. Awesome.



- Black -

Helena's Dad and FOB not sucking (for once)

- Wade Phillips is the new coach of the Dallas Cowboys! Pop the cork on the mutha fuckin' Cristal (you can drink Dom, Jigga) and strike up the band. For those of you who sit around all day cutting yourselves and not watching sports, dude's daugther is none other than your favorite dead, dancing bride from the Helena video. It's really not important, it's just a cool fact. And it gives me a reason to post a picture of her. She's hot, even the Bloc Party dude would agree with me on that one.



- FOB played Kimmel last night and believe it or not, they sounded like shit. The good news is that I've figured out why they always sounds like shit, but we'll get to that in a second.

Check out the video below and make sure you watch for Pete shredding on the bass about 20 seconds in. It'd be great if one of these times he could make it look like it's not the first time he's picking up a bass. I swear, he and Mikey Way should form a super-group.



The second bit of news is that I heard FOB (actually just Patrick) on KROQ this morning on my way into work. (Yes, I have a job and yes it involves taking pictures of girls while they take their clothes off.) Anyway, Patrick played 'Arms Race' acoustic without Petey Paul Jones on bass and that other Canadian-looking douche on guitar and it sounded AWESOME. Apparently the shit-storm that is FOB live can be attributed to everyone else besides the singer. Obvi, but still worth stating. I'd love to play you a clip of the performance but I don't have one....I WAS IN MY CAR ASSHOLE! Just take my word for it.

- Black -

anna/eva/jada/nodoubta

hi kids -

anna nicole smith died. bummer. no real connection to music here except that she used to be a stripper. rad. i love strippers. here is one of my favorites:



that's eva angelina. the last thing you need is another pic of anna nicole. plus, eva bones on video. you know what's wrong with that? not a damn thing.

go get the new bloc party record. it really is awesome. the other douchebag i write this blog with will hate it because, well, the record is written by a dude that is black, english AND gay. there is nothing blackie hates more than gay, english black dudes. ironic, given his name and all.

my boy jadakiss was indicted on a gun charge in NY this week. this is the same dude that had a song with the lyric "why did bush knock down the towers?" coincidence? doubts bitch. he was sitting in a car at 4am with weed and a gun in the console and he is pleading not guilty. good for you jada. stand up against those crackers. btw - he totally doesnt look like a dude that would carry a gun.



no doubt is getting back together. i bet the conversation went something like this:

gwen: hi, tony. what's up?
tony: holy shit! your record is the worst fucking thing i have ever heard.
gwen: yeah, sorry bout that. let's write more songs about when we used to date 15 years ago.
tony: k. get some diapers for adrian. he is wacky!

it's slow right now, but i just really wanted to post a pic of eva. i swear to god i just friend requested her on myspace. i mean....er......she friend requested me! oh yeah, that's it!

-chainsaw

Studies show that 'hardcore dancing' equates to a low IQ

I just saw the new video from A Day To Remember (because I LOVE every band on Victory) and it reminded me how much I hate hardcore dancing. I. Really. Don't. Get it. Maybe I'm too old to understand and it has something to do with teen angst or maybe it's just that IT'S FUCKING STUPID and in actuality I totally understand. I'm convinced that the dumbass kids doing this at shows don't realize how ridiculous they look. They just need to see themselves on video and they'd stop cold turkey. Venues should start taking video clips of every kid doing this at a show and then play them on a screen as everyone is leaving. You think kids would keep doing it after they saw themselves on video? Creo que no! If you ask me, which you are, I'm for putting a bunch of them in a cage at the zoo and pumping shitty hardcore (Brummel, you can brand this with Victory. It'll make you money so I'm sure you're down) into their enclosure at all times. You know people would stop and watch this for HOURS. They'd be right up there with the monkey who throws his own shit and plays with himself. And that guy's a star!

Here's the new A Day To Remember video featuring Ron Jeremy:



This one's an oldie, but it's classic and it gets a laugh out of me every time. I feel obligated to share that experience with you.



- Black -